2 Dating 2 Relationships Thread II: The Squeakquel NSFW • Page 95

That girl I mentioned wants to go on a second date soon so things are looking up!

 

love ya bud

 

y'all

 

What's up Ken?

 

I was saying that their friendship warms my heart without actually saying it haha

 

guy I was messaging slowly stopped responding “normal”. I’m beginning to think he lost interest which I guess is ok because I don’t think we’d be compatible anyway. I just need to accept the fact that I’m not going to find anyone that fits my needs and I’ll be alone forever. But I’ll probably will never accept it, because who wants to be all alone with no one for the rest of their life?

 

What do you do when you like people but don't want to be in a relationship

 

you don’t need to accept it because it’s not true.

I’m gonna share some of the pep talk my friend sent me cuz it might help:
It’s so hard to not know how things are going to go and to not know what you’re up against, whether you’re going to get hurt or mocked or find a really good thing and then lose it or may find a lot of good things or just one that’s just right

And ‘what if’ questions don’t help you. Your brain is trying to solve the problem of uncertainty before you have to experience any of it, but that’s not how life works. You’re not giving your future self any kind of break or advantage by feeling some bad feelings in advance

You’re insecure - this is a big challenge - but you’re already doing something for yourself and you should be so proud of that!


No one is “destined to be alone forever”

 

Usually an awkward side hug

 

I’m a hugger. Like a one armed hug

 

I've known elderly who never married or had kids. I feel like thats me, unless I die before then. I've tried dating sites off and on for years when dating irl failed me, and it's still a big fail. All other relationships (irl) were short term, and I only had the one long term relationship (which obviously failed). Considering my luck with dating, and how I'm not what most guys are looking for, the "being alone forever" is looking like whats in the cards. Also I need to add in that my area for dating is horrible. The only chance I have is to move in the middle of nowhere, or move somewhere far more expensive. But moving is a lot more easier said than done. Works for some people, won't work that easy for me. As I stated before, the people I've searched for online either want kids/have kids, super religious, smoke/frequent drinker, do drugs or a combo, and lastly, they either have certain qualities I'm not looking for in a partner. To add to that, about half of the people in my searches aren't serious in terms of a relationship. I'm literally at a loss.

 

i'm not a sappy "there's someone for everyone" kind of person, nor am i "destiny!!!!!!!!!" type of person, but you have no idea what could happen in life.

someone could move to your town / city, you could have a job that gets you promoted to another city or state, you could maybe eventually find someone online, etc. etc.

my uncle for example was married, had 2 kids and then got divorced and then years later found someone he was truly happy with around age 55 on a whim through a mutual friend of someone who wanted to buy the house he was selling.

i'm sure he had thought of never finding someone, but he did.

idk how old you are, but since you're on this site i'll assume you're between 22-35 and that leaves a lot of time for super random shit to happen in your life. whether something happens in one year or 21 years though? who knows. but probably can't say "never".

 

I have almost no friends and I'm definitely not waiting around until 55! I'll probably be dead before then. Also my "job field" does not have the promotion to another area or promotions. I'll have to change careers for that to happen. I'm also unemployed unable to apply for unemployment. I got fucked over by a new job that I thought was a good stepping stone opportunity into a career. The person I worked for is a crook and misleads/lies people into working for them. The job market where I live is absolute shit, and I'm having a very difficult time finding work

 

@Carmen SD yep, what @marsupial jones said
I totally get that it’s discouraging, all you can do is keep trying

 

I too am trying to accept the possibility of “ending up alone”...but not in a woe is me way. Yes sometimes it’s painful to think about but I am trying to be realistic and adjust expectations. We’re deff bombarded with the message that there’s someone out there for everyone and that everyone can find love...and it’s true for lots of people..but it’s totally okay if it’s not true for you.
Like, childhood romance movies didn’t prepare me for the fact that id be a radical feminist, leftist, someone who eschews gender norms and expects my partner to too etc etc etc all while being fat and not falling under societal standards of beauty. its okay to adjust expectations and start to envision a different kind of life for yourself.

however. If you absolutely feel you desire a partner....sometimes it takes patience, creativity, compromise, and effort. And I’m gonna be honest, tinder or any online dating AINT IT.
I’m not trying to be mean @Carmen SD but I genuinely don’t know why you continue to try tinder when it so clearly isn’t built for what you’re looking for.

 

Oh yeah & optimism lmao. Requires a lottttt of optimism

 

I didn't mention tinder specifically in my most recent post. I was referring in general and all apps I've tried.

 

Okay, I wasn’t responding to just your most recent post. I’m responding to several of your posts in here centered around the same thing- apps/websites

I know these seem like the “norm” in 2019 but like it’s really and truly fine to not use them. They don’t work for everyone and personally I don’t plan to ever use them again because they don’t facilitate the kind of interactions that I’m comfortable with. There are LOADS of other ways to meet people, I mean people did it for centuries before them lol
But like, you only have one life, sis!! You gotta grab it by the horns if you want something. If you keep doing the same thing that’s not working over and over again, you’re just wasting your time and you deserve better.

 

Sounds cheesy but I'm a total believer in the fact that the vibes you put out matter. When I was younger I was 100000x more insecure. Didn't think I was worthy of anyone or anything, was meek and timid, horrendously low self esteem, etc etc. I didn't realize at that time that I was a self fulfilling prophecy. Once I kinda worked on myself more things fell into place. And that's not to say I'm like beating guys off with a stick because I'm totally not lol haven't had a bf in years, but I think the fact that I'm secure in myself and being alone just puts out a vibe that's more attractive to people. Instead of being super hard on myself about the things I dislike about myself (my anxiety, awkwardness, etc) I just kinda put them out there and own it and make it part of my schtick lol and people seem to appreciate it more than when I used those things to constantly get down on myself. Idk idk. It's such a hard thing to navigate espesh how like @supernovagirl said we're like conditioned to think that we have to have this grand fairytale romance thing

 

@supernovagirl and @Kiana always speaking the truth

 

I think, well, hope, that I won't end up alone, but it's probably my greatest fear in life. Not really the old age "dying alone", but a lot of my friends have friends who have died over the past month, people around my age, and its really got me thinking about the possibility that I might die before I could experience living with someone I love (at the time?) and its something, the desire to belong in someone's life, I've come to realize is important to me.

idk if The One is out there but I really dont wanna die before I ever experience the adult-relationship-living-together-stage where we both grow & stuff

but yeah thats contribution to the dying alone discussion

 

yeah I'm def worried about dying alone and no one finds my body for weeks as it's slowly eaten by cats which will be weird because I don't have cats where did they come from
I do think it's important to work on your sense of self before letting other people into your orbit which I definitely need to do because as @Kiana said if I think no one will love me it's a self fulfilling prophecy

 

Something I need to work on is that I have my guard up so high that I don't like to show my cards. Like I can't flirt or be suggestive or have game or whatever because it leaves a vulnerability. If anything my instinct is to deny or circumvent the issue. Which in retrospect makes me a massive jerk. Like if someone responded to me that way, I'd feel bad about myself. Idek how to verbalize it. Like I don't give them any validation. Too guarded. It's something I need to work on. I need to wear my heart on my sleeve a little more

 

Lost a boyfriend of 6 years but gained a girlfriend all in one week it's been a hell of a ride but I'm fucking happy y'all