So I may see this guy one more time depending on schedules but so far my synopsis of going on a few dates is that I'm not as anxious and scared as I thought I would be which was actually really surprising. Last time I tried dating I would like freeze up and shut down. I felt more comfortable than I expected. I'd say the downside is that I still have a long way to go in ways I didn't realize. There are just so many ways in which I feel like trauma has caused me to be.... Idk stunted? Like just the psychological bs of being in a bad relationship where I couldn't ever do anything right and the little apprehensions from that. If I made eye contact with other guys I was flirting or interested. If I kissed "too well" it was because I was cheating. If I smelled "different" I was also cheating. If I wore makeup it was to impress other guys. If I enjoyed something too much I was a slut but if I didn't enjoy it enough I was destroying his self esteem and guilted. Just so many little things and means of control that color how I do and view things now. It's something I'll prob have to learn just from putting myself out there but it's also a vulnerable spot to be in.
I am now seeing the side of tinder that is tinder. I matched with some (more) people and they send me disturbing messages. So I umatch them. *sighs* Everything was ok for a while but now I see the terribleness
It's insane, as a white male, I just don't get it. I never, I mean never, would say the things I see on r/tinder. I genuinely don't understand what's going through a males brain when they think it's okay to just have an opening line of 'let's fuck'. I'm not perfect either. I say some dumb inappropriate shit on here as dumb humor, but it's a message board and not a direct message to a female.
Omg so hung out with the guy I saw this week for his last day here and we were talking random fun facts and I asked for his fave fun fact he has and... His fun fact was some "cool" Regan tidbit and I honestly thought he was joking but he stans Regan. Then he said it's unfortunate that Ben Carson didn't make president. Omg!! He hid it so well!! He said he's a very liberal Republican and I died inside. He was like omg cant believe I hung with a socialist and I was like yeah same but with a republican!!!!
I saw the girl and talked to her! I uh... couldnt tell if it went well or not. We were both studying on own and see seemed interested whenever I asked a question, and reciprocated the question back to me ("My favorite ____ is ____ what's yours?"), but the convos died down into silence a lot as we'd go back to studying... and then I'd respark it... then it'd die again. But like, when I'd ask a question, she'd seem to be invested in it and devote her attention to it and we had a lot of eye contact and smiles so idk. Also I totally goofed the intro! I complemented her beret and said it reminded me of a friend I used to have in high school who would wear the same colored one, which was a good starter and she said thank you and seemed happy about the compliment, but instead of playing it cool, I went to go ask her another question, stumbled on my words a bit, said "fuck" under my breath with a nervous smile (which showed my hand too early that I liked her), and panicked and asked her to coffee right after and said she was cute. Yikes! During the exchange, she was smiling in a "I know what you're gonna say way" and said she'd think about it and from there we had the slight back and forth talks. I'm so conflicted abt it cuz the way she was engaged makes me think that she didnt mind the silences (as we were studying), but also a part of me is like "you goofed it! good job! you were probably bothering her!" I had to leave to go write a paper and I handed her a piece of paper with my number on it. I had drawn an octupus on it cuz its her favorite animal and I wrote a lil side note saying she was cute, but in retrospect, I'm afraid thatll come across as creepy if she wasnt interested (but would be seen as thoughtful and cute it she was? ugh. why is this a 50/50 toss up!!). I didn't get her number but I gave mine to her as I don't want to bother her if she wasn't actually interested!! god im so nervous im a wreck
also i dont usually wear my glasses in public so when I sat down to talk to her and got to see a better look at her from up close, she became like 5 times more cute so that made me nervous!!
@Iago whether or not she agrees to the coffee date I would count this as a vicctory cuz you actually did the damn thing! I've never been able to just approach people like that so I admire your confidence (even if you felt like a nervous wreck)
Don’t trust anyone who says an octopus is their favorite animals, they’re fucking terrifying and the ultimate threat to the world