2 Dating 2 Relationships Thread II: The Squeakquel NSFW • Page 41

Oh wow, you keep painting a worse and worse picture. I think a serious conversation is definitely in order. I was in your shoes, I left. Now I have my own house, we co-parent pretty well for the most part (there's still lingering resentment), but I don't have to live in fear or be anxious all the time about what room I'm sleeping in and setting off triggers, etc.

 

Oh I'm sure you do those things to boost her esteem. This doesn't sound like it's on you, but things that she's feeling inside and needs to work thru. Sounds like it goes a lot deeper than u being able to reassure her or tell her she's beautiful. Were any of these things happening before the baby? Like did already existing issues increase after childbirth or does it seem like a 180?

 

I think you are both just in a tailspin that will not stop until you separate. We all have our moments, I know I have, we are all flawed. She is still the mother to your child and I know your child is your top priority as it should be. There just has to be a solid action taken place to start the healing process in any way. You don't have to promise yourself anything right now but I would spend some rock-solid reflecting time on what can be done. If you need to ask her to leave you just do it in a calm and respective manner no matter how much she reacts poorly (i'd imagine she would). Again sorry you're going through this man, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel you just gotta navigate some tough roads to get there. You can do it.

 

This situation just seems so untenable with one party really not wanting to work through things yet. Sometimes leaving is the only option (albeit hopefully the last resort)

 

Absolutely and I'm right there with you. From the sounds of it I feel like you're definitely taking appropriate steps to try and resolve the situation in a civil and helpful manner before ultimately leaving. There's only so much you are able to take before enough is enough. I truly hope the best in the situation and hope that you can get through it.

 

This may seem hokey but I feel like an article like this is what you need to read.

When It's Time to Let Go of Control... and Surrender!

 

In your current situation, I would not recommend that. That'll only lead to her accusing you of more things. Tell her you want to put one up for when he goes to bed so you can see his sleeping habits, or something.

 

Trevor, I don't want to side track, so apologies because what you are going through is rough.

But that said, like a few weeks ago I totally went out of my comfort zone, messaged someone on Hinge, we went back and forth but it was only like a message or two a day, for about a week. Anyways, I ended it buy saying something along the lines of, if you'd like to get a drink or ice cream, text me, and gave her my number. This was the first time I gave a girl my number since my divorce, and the first time I did it probably since like 2010! Anyways, she never did so I was like alright, so hard feelings, I probbably would do the same.

But she just texted me!

I definitely have avoidant personality disorder (something I talked about at my therapist after the divorce), and my gut reaction is just to completely ignore it because god damn the thought of actually meeting up is terrifying to me. Why is this shit so difficult? I'm 33, this shouldn't be stressful!

 

Yeah it doesn't sound healthy I think I'm just extra sympathetic to what women may be experiencing after childbirth because I couldn't even fathom the idea of it not feeling like my body, feeling like I'm no longer attractive, the painful recovery time, the post partum, like again not saying it's necessarily the partners fault. I think by that point it's deeper than the words a partner can offer but I also think it's something that cis men won't ever "get" so my heart goes out in that sense.

 

To be honest with you, if you're going to the extreme of setting up a hidden camera, you need to just split. That's obviously signaling that ALL trust is lost between the two of you and once you're at that point, I'm not sure what either person can do to gain it back. Sounds like you guys may be entering a dangerous situation if you continue as is. Something has to change quickly before something really bad happens.

 

For what it's worth, I think it's completely normal for couples to go through a major shift during pregnancy/after birth. I know my wife and I did. There are major adjustments that need to happen to continue on with a healthy relationship. Things will never be status quo again once children are brought into the relationship. It's a rocky road to travel through. My wife and I had our first when we were still dating at the time (unplanned, of course) and it was hell for a while...but, that's normal. And like @Kiana said, men will never truly understand what the woman is going through with a literal person growing inside of them and their hormones changing rapidly and the feeling of never being the same again. I honestly couldn't imagine. My mom had to pull me aside several times to try and get that through my head of what my wife was going through.

That said, if things aren't improving after a few years, then it's time to try and take a different course of action if you guys are both still miserable.

 

Update: I'm grinning so hard. I've been laughing since we started texting. She sent me a picture of her Post Malone Halloween costume, and I asked if the mustache was real or makeup, long story short;

 

I have baby fever

so many baby

 

you should text your neighbor and ask if they want one

 

Doesn't look likely.

56% of people I know are saying No.

 

coward

 

its called democracy

 

I have a handful of matches on Hinge that seem really cool and I have absolutely no idea how to message them good times

 

thats okay we gota handful of dating coaches on here who will help you.

 

Yeah there’s prolly a button that resembles an envelope with an arrow or somethin’

 

Hey y’all I went on a really great date tonight and she’s not from London

 

So my man jokingly mentioned his ring size tonight... help... haha

 

for a **** ring?

 

You know it hahaha

 

Well don't leave us hanging