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2 Dating 2 Relationships Thread II: The Squeakquel NSFW • Page 195

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by dylan, May 12, 2019.

  1. Taketimeandfind

    Trusted

    I collect way too much shit. Haven’t really bought anything in a long time. But the junk is still there
     
    Colby Searcy likes this.
  2. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    I still find our conversations around feminism to be frustrating. A few weeks ago I told him that I feel like he argues in bad faith and I find it condescending and it makes me feel defensive and flustered. He seemed to understand and apologize but keeps doing it?? And his go to statement that rly makes me mad is "if you can't articulate your argument than you shouldn't be trying to educate people about it." Like bro, im not out here trying to school u or something. You asked me for my thoughts/opinions! The way he has discussions reminds me of like the douchey male philosophy majors in college. A few weeks ago he asked me about my activism and I felt like it was a very bad faith convo, like he went into or thinking I'm not active enough and needed to prove it or something. Like dude I never said I was Malcom x. I do my best.

    Then yesterday he asked me about Britney spears and feminism. He asked me if I think Britney is an enemy of feminism and I was like wtf no I don't even think about feminism and women in a way that's so adversarial?? He was asking me about her sexualization early in her career and I was like no she was a kid it was the job of the adults around her to guide her and keep her safe. And now... She's an adult like IDGAF what she does as an adult. Do I wish women felt less pressure to be sexualized in the media? Of course. But I don't consider it to be counter to feminism at all and I'm certainly not going to place so much blame on the women, especially not one who is under a conservatorship and has had her image so tightly controlled. I thought his questions were stupid like "is she an enemy to feminism" so I struggled to articulate an answer because wtf does that even mean and then he pulled the "if you can't articulate it then don't try to educate people" bs like YOU ASKED ME. I WAS JUST TRYING TO LISTEN TO OVERPROTECTED IN THE CAR.

    Anyway, I'm annoyed. I sent him a long rambling text about it so we'll see lol. In some ways I think he's learning. In other ways I think he needs to become more educated about it and not necessarily by me. He needs to pick up a book or take a class or something because it's too emotionally and mentally exhausting for me to get in these conversations that don't even seem interested in what I think of have to say, but feel like a gotcha fest.
     
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  3. bigmike

    Trusted Prestigious

    No offense @Kiana but he comes across like he sucks.
     
  4. yeah I don’t mean to pile on and I’m sure he has good qualities or you wouldn’t be seeing him, but just reading the conversations you describe in that post made me want to scream/ pull my hair out
     
    Joe4th, oldjersey, bigmike and 4 others like this.
  5. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    Same lol all I could think was “I could not deal with that” but that’s not a knock at you because I have dealt with much much worse before hahah just that I don’t have the patience for that specific annoyance anymore
     
    bigmike likes this.
  6. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    I think there are a few things of note. One is that I'm a cranky mood right now so I'm representing things in a very biased and non nuanced at all manner LOL. The other is that yeah if I thought it was a lost cause I wouldn't bother and I think that's part of what makes it so frustrating is that I don't think it's a lost cause but I just want to fast forward to the part where we're on the same page. I think part of the problem is he has only very recently become interested in politics in these sort of things and he seems to have this like idea that he has this enlightened sense of devil's advocacy or something. like almost in an optimistic way where I'm just like dude I've been having the same arguments and discussions for years and years so no I'm not where you're at and my eyes are not bright and shiny and I learned long ago that the other side has nothing to offer so I don't really feel the need to bother to pretend like they do. He's still in the space where he thinks that people should listen to logic and so he gives the benefit of the doubt and does devil's advocacy of lot because I don't know I guess he's not jaded enough yet LOL

    I also think it doesn't help that the person he usually has like political and philosophical discussions with is a white male and they used to just like get high and have these discussions that they think are really deep and meaningful and profound and like he expects to have that same dynamic with me and I'm not like that. I'm not an echo chamber but I'm also not into just like questioning people's beliefs just to do it like I feel like they would get enjoyment out of challenging each other's beliefs when all it does is make me irritated. They thought they were on some real deep philosophical stoner BS and he needs to get brought back down

    What's interesting is he actually has a lot of really cool female feminist female friends and I guess I don't know where the disconnect is. He acknowledges a lot of sexism and has some insight and then he can also just be such a guy. Like I imagine he considers himself a feminist but then he is just a guy. Like I feel like it seems like I'm making excuses for him but, and maybe this is just because I am super jaded, but I feel like every man I have ever talked to does this thing. Or they're just like arrogant and don't put themselves in others shoes or have a hard time doing that? I don't know

    It's one of those things where if it doesn't change or get better than yeah it won't work out. I think what he thinks he's doing is challenging me to think about things differently or in a less biased way when it's not intellectually stimulating for me I don't feel challenged I don't feel like it's been an interesting and productive conversation like I do with my female feminist friends. like I feel like he needs to sit in on a women's studies class or club or something and see how an actual discussion takes place
     
  7. bigmike

    Trusted Prestigious

    Just want to say that I’m not telling you what to do, and I realize I just kinda interjected my opinion without checking if you were venting or wanting input so sorry about that.
     
  8. cherrywaves

    Trusted

    It sounds like he’s making progress and his heart is (mostly) in the right place, but yeah that is wildly frustrating overall
     
  9. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    :heart: it sounds very frustrating. And yes men are the worst. And I’m sorry but also good for you for being able to walk away if it doesn’t change. You’re absolutely right you deserve that kind of discussion! But I do have empathy for everyone being on their own place in the journey but I understand completely not wanting to be the one to do the actual educating
     
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  10. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    You know the most insulting part was when he said the bit about not being able to know what I'm talking about or whatever to educate someone and I'm like excuse me if anybody is educated on Britney Spears it is me!!

    I kind of hate how we're expected to be articulate and educators and on it at all times like no sometimes I get flustered and frustrated and can't think of what I want to say or how to say it and it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about it means that I am a human.
     
  11. I feel this x 1000000
     
  12. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    I feel this 10000%
    We don’t need to have a presentation prepared with citations ready just to express our opinions and thoughts
     
  13. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    Mary V, mad, oldjersey and 3 others like this.
  14. [​IMG]
     
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  15. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    I can’t lie I actually found that pretty weird hahahh
     
    mad likes this.
  16. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    Omg maybe I should keep a lil USB drive in my purse with a PowerPoint presentation prepared at all times. Too bad I spilled seltzer water on my laptop so the keyboard doesn't work RIP :tear:
     
  17. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    Noooo
     
    Dirty Sanchez and Kiana like this.
  18. marsupial jones

    if i don't like your avatar i don't like you

    make sure @dylan reviews it first. He knows his PowerPoints.
     
  19. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    He apologized. I gave him a bell hooks book for his birthday. I should make a condition that he can't talk to me about feminism until he reads it. But then he talks about the pink tax like he's down smh!! Read the book!
     
    GrantCloud, mad, gonz (Alex) and 4 others like this.
  20. Professor Plumbob

    Trusted Supporter

    Funko pop girl was a bad idea
     
    Colby Searcy, dylan, bigmike and 5 others like this.
  21. Dirty Sanchez

    Prestigious Prestigious

  22. Professor Plumbob

    Trusted Supporter

    Idk how to say this respectfully but she unloaded a lot of baggage that I had no way to deal with so she basically cried the whole time.
     
  23. Professor Plumbob

    Trusted Supporter

    So now I have to gently tell her our planned 2nd date this weekend is a funko no go
     
  24. Shakriel

    Don’t fuck with me, I will cry. Prestigious

    [​IMG]
     
  25. bigmike

    Trusted Prestigious

    I think you mean

    *ahem*

    funkno