Went out last night. Ended up talking to about 5am. We both aren’t very concerned with labels but we also want to be exclusive so there’s that. A lot was said but we are both into each other in a way that’s silly and we are very aware of how dumb and ridiculous it is. We are also aware that there is somewhat of an expiration date as my plans take me away from here and she’s sorta afraid that as that comes closer she might freak out and run away but I guess we’ll just deal with that when we get there
Watching james cold heart thaw out in real time is as close as these forums get to a hallmark channel movie
Still seeing one guy. We had a srs discussion because we've been seeing each other about a month and I have said no when he's talked about the boyfriend/girlfriend label. He got in his feelings about me "rejecting" him and idk I got irritated because I've told him I was in an abusive relationship and I feel like he was being moody and depressed and "woe is me let's make Kiana feel like the asshole here." Idk. Without getting into tons of detail cause I didn't want to, I explained my trauma response and the tons of guards I had to put up back then just to survive, literally and emotionally and mentally. Tearing that down isn't easy and isn't going to be fast and if he is gonna take it personally and not be patient then too bad for him he can date someone else. He kept asking if I thought he was going to be abusive and like no dude that's not it at all. I don't think you're gonna do any of those things, but that trauma response still has me go into survival mode sometimes as an instinct to protect myself. I think we came to an understanding eventually. I think he has his own trauma response from his own experiences and we talked about being patient with each other and communicating but idk. Does anyone know of any good books or articles about trauma response and things like that? You think I would lol, but I don't offhand. I think it'd be helpful to share. I think I also need to be mindful that I have a background in social services and so do all my friends and I'm used to them having that baseline knowledge, but he I can't just assume he automatically gets it. I talked about not taking things personally and not believing that other people's actions are a statement of our own self worth and shifting the mindset to see the situation differently, but it'd be cool to share info on stress responses
Why is it all so difficult? Being alone is so much easier. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is why I always end up cutting people out of my life. All I want is to just have someone by my side and no matter what I do I end up feeling like this. Empty, and not good enough. Or just at the right place at the wrong time. Nothing ever works out. Idk man I’m fucking bummed out. I needed somewhere to vent.
Hard pass. Reminds me of a girl I went on a few dates with last year, needless to say things didn’t work out.
Hmmmmm. Is anyone else a weirdo like me who has no issue being exclusive but has an aversion to the "boyfriend/girlfriend" label. I'm actually surprised how much I resist that label when it was never an issue for me before
I don’t have an “issue” with it necessarily, but it’s not something I care about really. Leah and I are exclusive now, I suppose she’s my girlfriend, but neither of us are making a big deal about labeling each other