dajasacrew's Recent Activity

  1. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    I feel like how/if they respond will be very telling of whether Jesse actually has been working on himself through therapy or not. If he truly has spent the last over a decade acknowledging to himself and to Andrea how shitty of a person he was and worked towards being a better husband/human/father then I don't see how he can't respond or reach out. If he doesn't then it tells me and the world that all the work he's done is bullshit.

    Apr 6, 2025 at 6:06 PM

  2. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    Thank you so much ♡ I've needed a lot of this kind of affirmation this weekend, it means more than you know. There’s an underlying expectation that in order to be taken seriously about a topic as serious as child grooming and sexual abuse - especially as a woman - I must be composed, articulate, and measured. It feels like my truth is only valid if I can present it in a perfectly logical, calm, and structured way. Any emotion, vulnerability, or rawness is often dismissed as irrational or exaggerated, which obviously just contributes to the continued silencing of our voices. The pressure to conform to this standard is overwhelming, but it’s something women, especially in difficult or contentious situations, are often forced to navigate. It’s exhausting to constantly feel like my credibility is on trial, and that no matter how carefully I craft my words, they’ll still be torn apart in ways that disregard my experience. But I do believe that offering grace to others is essential, as it allows for growth, understanding, and the possibility of change. Without grace, there can be no room for healing or reconciliation, and we risk perpetuating cycles of harm rather than breaking them. And yes - I'm a bit freaked out about what comes next, but trying to remember that I will be okay no matter what. I will keep fighting for my story to be heard in the way it deserves to be.

    Apr 6, 2025 at 3:12 PM

  3. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    I think those are well worded and well thought oit additions that made me rethink even further the years of defending I've done. Thank you for continuing to expound on this and keeping conversations alive.

    Apr 6, 2025 at 11:44 AM

  4. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    I've updated my piece to include some counter-arguments to the idiots and their dumb debates, at the very end section, for anyone who is interested

    Apr 6, 2025 at 11:43 AM

  5. dajasacrew liked Fucking Dustin's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    I've had multiple people thank me for sharing @aiyana91's piece and tell me how it's made them reevaluate their relationship with the band, including people who went to their comeback show here in Dallas. She is making very real tangible change and I hope over time the change grows and grows until something can really happen and there can be some semblance of accountability. A coincidence that I'm sharing this after the doomer post but it is an example of the fact that we CAN do better

    Apr 6, 2025 at 11:21 AM

  6. dajasacrew liked Kiana's post in the thread “Why Jesse Lacey and Brand New Should Not Be Touring”.

    I work with teens a lot and something I always emphasize with them is that 1). Adults don't need your help. Don't let them guilt you into going with them or doing what they want. If they truly need help they'll find an adult. And 2). Adults don't need to befriend children. I know teens I think are amazing and will go places some day. I know teens that are enjoyable to be around, and I feel like I can relate to them as a former teen as almost a mentor type role. But do I just like... Hang out with teens for the fun of it? Um no. I literally have no reason to do that. There just isn't a reason. But bottom line is even with informing kids that this isnt okay, it's on the adults to protect them. I had all the thinking errors when I was a teen. I thought I was mature and smart and different, not someone susceptible to grooming. I was naive and reliant on adults to behave as safe adults and ensure I was safe. The scene failed to protect these girls.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 10:41 PM

  7. dajasacrew liked Jason Tate's post in the thread “Why Jesse Lacey and Brand New Should Not Be Touring”.

    I don't really think this "point" needs to be made, since it's really all conjecture; however, I've already seen evidence that it has "swayed" people: 6 minutes ago I've seen other comments about the visceral reaction to the photos.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 10:39 PM

  8. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    Thank you very much for answering. I think that all of that is incredibly reasonable. I sincerely hope one day you can get closure from at least this portion of your life.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 10:23 PM

  9. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    Thanks for asking such a thoughtful question, it’s been important for me to reflect on what would actually bring me peace after all of this. For me, accountability starts with a restorative justice process. This would involve Jesse or someone on his behalf reaching out to me and the other victims (if they're open to it) in a private, facilitated process where we can be heard and the harm fully acknowledged. RJ isn't about public apologies or damage control, it’s about understanding what happened and taking full responsibility. If he’s unwilling to engage in that, then I would still need a public, clear acknowledgment of the specific harm caused—something that names exactly what happened, how he hurt people, and why it matters (though I doubt this will happen due to legal concerns). The tour and all public-facing projects should be paused until this process has been addressed. It feels retraumatizing, to be honest, to watch him move on with his career as if nothing happened, when the harm was so significant. If he wants to continue performing, he should demonstrate real accountability first. That means putting everything else on hold until we see action that proves there’s been real work done behind the scenes. I also believe financial reparations are necessary to address the damage done. This feels uncomfortable to name publicly but I think it’s important to acknowledge the long-term costs of the trauma I’ve experienced. The emotional and psychological impact of what I went through has been long-lasting and severe. Like I said in my story, I live with C-PTSD, which is the result of not JUST Jesse's abuse but also subsequent abuses by two other authority figures, one of whom sexually assaulted me. The trauma I’ve experienced has deeply affected my mental health, my ability to maintain jobs, how I approach relationships, sex, and my own self-worth, etc etc. I’ve spent years in therapy and on medication, and these ongoing costs should be acknowledged by those responsible for causing this harm. (this is a fundamental aspect of restorative justice: addressing and repairing the material damage done to someone's life) A public condemnation of fanbase retaliation would also be nice. The harassment I’ve already experienced is terrifying, Jesse and the band need to make it clear to their fanbase that victim-blaming, online abuse, and any form of retaliation is unacceptable. There needs to be a loud and unambiguous statement condemning it so that survivors can feel safe, even in the aftermath of speaking out. If Jesse truly wants to show he’s grown and learned, he should be willing to go through these steps. Otherwise, I don’t think he should be allowed to keep performing, as there’s been no real accountability or change.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 10:22 PM

  10. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    Restorative justice - Wikipedia This is what I would prefer. "Restorative justice differs from traditional criminal justice in terms of the guiding questions it asks. In restorative justice, the questions are: Who has been hurt? What are their needs? Whose obligations are these? What are the causes? Who has a stake in the situation? What is the appropriate process to involve stakeholders in an effort to address causes and put things right? In contrast, traditional criminal justice asks: What laws have been broken? Who did it? What do the offender(s) deserve?"

    Apr 5, 2025 at 9:19 PM

  11. dajasacrew liked tonyvalentine's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    My coworker who flew to Nashville for the Jesse solo show is now not going to the reunion show because this story shined a light on the whole thing that he somehow didn’t process at first. Glad to see people are finally realizing how fucked this really is.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 9:19 PM

  12. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    Also if you aren't comfortable answering that I fully respect that.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 9:19 PM

  13. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    So serious question since it seems you genuinely don't seem like you want his career ended. What does the path look like to you that would make you feel at peace? Is is solely something from Jesse or from the band as a whole? I argued for so long that he'd put in work in therapy before the allegations and I thought that should be good enough. I was wrong but would like to know the path. Sorry if I rambled.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 9:13 PM

  14. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    If nothing else comes of this, I'm glad my story was finally the straw that broke the camel's back for some people who considered supporting this band further. And for the greater conversation that is happening.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 9:05 PM

  15. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    Yeah. Unfortunately the Reddit threads have mostly been ignorant assholes. It has absolutely sparked productive conversations in my group chats though. I personally know multiple people that bought tickets during the presale who no longer plan to attend.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 6:01 PM

  16. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    I've actually seen a lot of good discussion around it. Instead of people just blindly defending Jesse.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 4:07 PM

  17. dajasacrew liked David87's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    Not even the sexual stuff specially, but those pictures in the article really had me going “what the fuck are they doing?” Because of the age thing. Like even if there was no grooming or sexual acts intended, you’re 29/30 years old hanging out and smoking weed through gas mask bongs with 15/16 year olds. That’s just really weird! Like I would completely get it if you were 23/24 doing that because sometimes you’ll have friends that are 20 that you knew from HS and they’ll have friends a few years younger who come and hang out, like that does happen sometimes and suddenly you’ve got a 23 year old smoking weed or playing beer pong with a 16 year old. It’s a little weird but it’s understandable how it could happen. But when you’re pushing 30, that’s a situation that just doesn’t happen anymore, and if it does, you should be removing yourself from the situation because it’s kinda weird lol. granted I am a HS teacher and being around teens that often makes it a lot easier to see why 30 year old me would have absolutely avoided hanging out at a party with a 16 year old in attendance, but yeah. It’s weird to do that at that age, and it’s downright messed up to purposefully make it happen yourself the way JL did.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 9:50 AM

  18. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    It seems the article is getting more traction as I woke up to much higher traffic stats than when I went to bed. At this point, this is the only public forum I feel safe and comfortable engaging with, so I need to say I’m extremely grateful to @Jason Tate for being the initial person with a platform who read and chose to uplift my story (and the stories of my sisters who have also been abused). Thank you to everyone cultivating a space of safety and support for me here, too, so I can expand upon this experience and attempt to educate others. Going public is exhausting work, and it’s difficult to ignore the urges to explain myself over and over, to defend my incredible mother, and to see my story twisted to ensure the continued comfort of others. I physically felt my body digesting trauma last evening having the freedom to speak and the gift of finally feeling heard. This space has been truly invaluable.

    Apr 5, 2025 at 6:42 AM

  19. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    Agree entirely. I have zero doubts about the validity of this.

    Apr 4, 2025 at 10:26 PM

  20. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    I can only speak for me but I know this hits differently than the original allegations solely because in 2007 was 29 years old and absolutely knew better than to have a 15 year old on his tour bus. Its easier to wrap my head around a 23 year old in the scene at the time thinking it was to look at a 16/17 year old in a sexual way. Not defending it. Still gross, but a 29 year old absolutely shouldn't be looking at 15/16 year olds in that way. Again, thank you for sharing your story and helping open my eyes.

    Apr 4, 2025 at 10:16 PM

  21. dajasacrew liked aiyana91's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    I appreciate you clarifying. Thanks for trying to bump it, but for whatever reason, I just don't feel the same energy about sharing my story there as I have other avenues. The shows were so recently performed and to my knowledge that sub is flooded with apologists. I'm going to sit with what you shared for a bit.

    Apr 4, 2025 at 9:03 PM

  22. dajasacrew liked Aaron Mook's post in the thread Accountability in Music.

    Really proud of this thread today for being somewhere that a survivor can share their story without being shouted down. And thankful for @alyana91 for sharing with us.

    Apr 4, 2025 at 7:38 PM

  23. dajasacrew replied to the thread Accountability in Music.

    I apologize. I'm the one who submitted it to the sub reddit. I also went and saw them in Nashville. Your story hit me different than the others. Likely because of the larger age gap at the time. I think it may affect others differently than the initial stories as well. I respect if you don't want it there but I do think it could possibly do some good there. Thank you for sharing. It hurt me to read.

    Apr 4, 2025 at 7:12 PM
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